One day last week while walking my dog I ran into a neighbor lady. She told me she and her husband were going to Illinois next weekend for their son’s graduation from Northwestern University. She beamed with pride and then added that their daughter who was a sophomore at Northeastern University would also be there. “How funny is that?” she laughed. I told her I was excited for her and though I had never met her kids, I knew they must be pretty great kids; I shared her pride!
She proceeded to tell me some of the reasons her kids were so successful. She and Dad always supported them, but held them responsible for the decisions they had made. “You can’t keep picking up after them,” she said. “If they messed up, they had to straighten out the mess. I told them, I was their mother, not their friend!” She went on to say that you need friends your own age, not your kid’s age and they need friend who are kids, not “old ladies”. She said her daughter once told her that she was the worst mother ever because she was so mean. “Good” she told her. “That’s how I’m supposed to be!” She told her kids they could hate her if they liked, but they better not tell her that or she would make sure they hated her. “I have friends who try to be friends of their kids;” she told me. “One of my girlfriends always said she was her daughter’s best friend. I am sorry to say, but not surprised, her daughter got in trouble with drugs and ended up not finishing college. You can’t be too tough!” she concluded.
I wondered if she had a degree in child psych from years ago, but she had a master’s in electrical engineering. Non-the-less, she was right; maybe a bit too tough, but right. Because when it comes to raising kids, all love is tough love or it’s not love at all. God gave kids parents to teach them how to live; to guide them through the good times and the bad times. And the good news is that kids, even teenagers, listen to their parents and generally follow their advice. This advice, although it may seem like it is wasted on our kids, is heard. Most teenagers hold their parents in high regard; but it is hard to respect someone who is seen as a push-over. Parents need to be tough, strong, and courageous; they need not, and must not, be friends to their kids.