Last week I was asked what I thought about teen curfews; I have to admit I hadn’t thought much about teen curfews prior to then. I always thought curfew was a time to be off the streets and home and I can’t imagine why a teen would be out of the house any time unless he was in school, running an errand for his parents, or perhaps at work. In my utopia fantasy a teen would come home from school, do his chores, have dinner and after helping in the kitchen, do homework, talk with a friend on the phone, play a game or have a conversation with his parents and sibs, and go to bed nine hours before time to rise.
Unfortunately that seldom happens, (Your teen would say fortunately that never happens). Most of our kids are, like us, too busy to take time for a relaxing evening. One night a week there is a game, another play practice, another religious ed., still another band practice and on top of all that many of our teens have jobs. I like teens to be employed, but I think that, except in rare and most unusual circumstances, work should be limited to weekends and vacation time.
Having said all that let me return to reality. I would conclude that a teen curfew may be needed to assure a teenager gets enough sleep and avoids the kinds of trouble which occurs more frequently in the evening and at night. So you and your teen should establish a curfew based on where he is going rather than having a “standard” curfew. Talk with your teen before giving him or her permission to go out, find out where they want to go, and why they need to go, then, if you think they should go, agree on a time to be home, which generally speaking, would be the time the event was over plus the number of minutes it takes to get home. Then agree on what the consequences are for being out past curfew and if he/she is late be sure to enforce the consequence without any discussion, or an opportunity for a “second chance”. Accept no excuses! Never approve of “hanging-out” with friends at the mall or any place without a pre-stated purpose.
Kids, like parents, should be home unless there is an excellent reason to be somewhere else. Teens, again, like their parents, need their sleep and a teen curfew is one way of assuring adequate rest while preventing many of the “expected” teen problems.