In my last post I told how voting can teach kids to argue. Not every body was happy about that. Perhaps if I had said “debate” instead of that awful word “argue” things might have been better. I apologize!
Some years ago I saw a teen age boy with his mother. When I asked the boy when his stomach started to ache, Mom answered “Tuesday.” Before she could get the whole word out he corrected her, “No, Monday night.” When she said he threw up he denied it. Yes, he had a temp; No I didn’t. It went on like this for the whole interview. Before we could get to the exam I had had it.
“Don’t you get tired of arguing with him?” I asked. “Yes,” she returned, “He won’t quit!” “No,” Son replied, “Mom won’t quit!”
Stepping out of my comfort zone, I said. “Mom, you’re the adult here. Why don’t you just stop arguing?”
“Because, he’ll keep it up. I can’t have a minute of piece.”
“Then why don’t you stop? He can’t argue if you don’t!” I was getting a bit braver now.
“I should let this 13 year old boy win?” She questioned my intelligence.
“Sure, if he wins, you win.”
Let me explain.
Teens like to argue. It helps them think through a problem and establishes them some where on the power totem pole.
I think the art of argument is a very important trait we all we all need to learn. I’m not talking about yelling at each other nor am I talking about having a Lincoln/Douglas debate. I’m talking about learning from others. If you disagree with me I need to know why, and so do you. One of us may be wrong, or perhaps we’re both right. Finding out which it is, is the best method of learning.
When my kids were in school we argued a lot. But we had rules. Present facts and support them with evidence. No shouting or the session’s over. I, as the adult, was the monitor and when I said argument was over, because someone was out of control, (sometimes them, sometimes their dad), or perhaps it was time for dinner, or there was some other interruption, argument stopped.
There were some topics which were not open to argument. If an activity they wanted to do was illegal, immoral, or unethical it was not subject to argument. We could argue whether a thing should or should not be considered illegal, immoral, or unethical, but if it were, they knew no argument would allow them to be involved with it. They respected that, maybe because there were so many other things we could disagree about.
They thought I was a tree hugger. They were Nuclear energy proponents. I was worried about what would happen to my trees and the world if the radio-active rods were stolen or in some way released. Over time they used hard, scientific facts to convince me.
The point is teach your kids this art; they will argue anyhow, so why not make it a useful tool. As adults they will be able to discuss religion, politics, and most every other subject and maintain, civility, friendship, and normal blood pressure.
Sorry, if I confused you, I hope now you e my point. Try to teach your kids the art of argument and to know that it is possible sometimes to agree to disagree with others and still be civil, still be friends, and still love each other.