In my last blog you remember my discussion of anger. Lot’s of people are troubled by anger so today I want to talk about anger control.
All anger can and should be controlled. Even righteous anger needs limits or it can destroy rather than change the things we try to change as well as those trying to make the changes – ourselves.
All anger, even genetically determined anger, can be controlled. Many bright psychologists and psychiatrists have studied anger for years and have written much about its control and management. Here are some things they suggest:
Find Your Trigger: Knowing what triggers your anger is a good place to start. Keep a log and record the events leading to each episode of anger you experience. Then in a moment of peace, study your log and figure out how to avoid these stimuli or how to face them with dignity. By identifying these clues to getting angry, you can act before anger consumes your life.
Be Honest: Anger is often a response to getting caught in a lie or finding out we were wrong. If being untruthful is causing anger, there will soon be more problems unless the habit of lying is curtailed completely. Lying causes us to believe others do not tell the truth. This lack of trust for others can only be overcome by learning to trust ourselves. There is no substitute for telling the truth.
Take a Time Out: The time-tested advice to “count to ten” actually works, though for more serious anger it may be necessary to count to one hundred. This distraction will allow time to consider other more noble means of problem solving. Try to relax while counting, and if another person precipitated your anger, try listening to him while you count. It may be that he is right, and your getting angry would be a double embarrassment to you.
Get a Pet: Dr. Redford Williams in his book Anger Kills advises getting and caring for a pet. In it he says, “Pet ownership can provide you with a safe and non-threatening opportunity to learn how to be an active participant in a trusting, caring relationship that will make few demands of you.” It’s hard to get mad while your dog is at your side.
Forgive: Williams also suggests we forgive those who make us angry. Remember the boy from Steward County, Tennessee? He met his bus driver with a gun, shot, and killed her when she opened the door. At her funeral her husband made the noble gesture of forgiving the boy. This forgiveness helped him work through the tragedy and resume living. We should all try to be big enough to emulate him. It is not easy letting go of past hurts and resentments, but the only way to move past your anger is to let go of these feelings and start fresh. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Most city and county health departments offer courses in anger management.
Laugh: Everybody feels better after a good laugh, that’s probably why comedy is such a popular form of entertainment. Laughter really is the best medicine, so laugh, laugh, laugh. Even forced, fake laughter has been shown to increase serotonin and decrease anger. If needed, rent some Three Stooges films and watch a clip each morning before going to work or upon coming home. You’ll feel better, and so will your family!
Get Physical: When someone says something you don’t like or you don’t get what you want, don’t let that angry feeling overwhelm you and control your actions. Shoot baskets in your backyard, or wad up some paper and take some shots at your waste basket; go for a run up a flight of stairs, work out in a gym, or do anything else physically strenuous enough to erase that anger. Be in charge!
Take It Easy: Finally, learn to relax; not just when you feel anger coming on, but in your day-to-day living. Read a book; listen to calming music; visit a museum, a park, or a garden. Relaxing lets the stress and anger of the day dissolve away.
The tragedy of anger needs to be addressed with greater understanding by our society of educators, doctors, social workers, police, clergy, and most of all, parents. More of us should be using our energy to defuse the anger in our teenagers and in our communities. We need to understand that anger is an emotion that can be used for good or evil. It can be controlled, and it is our duty as adults to get our anger under control and teach our children to do likewise.
They become us, you know!
If you found this discourse on anger helpful, please share it with your friends; and think how much better off the would would be if we all used anger for good, and did not act out our “bad” anger.
Much of the above has been taken from Messengers in Denim.