Yesterday while lunching at Panera’s I spotted a 2-3 month-old infant sitting in her car seat while being toted across the parking lot by her dad. When they sat down inside the Cafe he placed her car seat on the floor beside his chair. There she sat, ignored, while her parents enjoyed their lunch and all but forgot she was there. What could be better than a quiet baby during lunch? I was happy for the couple, and for us, but a bit distressed for the baby.
Humans were created with a built-in need for close relationships with other people. This attachment starts with the infant attaching to its parents and spreads to other family members; and as the child grows, it extends to the community. But instead of developing this closeness, infants are too often placed into car seats, fed in car seats, and carried in the same seats. I call these “slop-pail babies.” I have seen mothers and fathers of four- to five-month-old infants who do not know how to hold a baby. To make matters worse, these same infants are placed in front of the television in their car seats. This leads to what Child Psychiatrist Robert Shaw calls “… unattached, uncommunicative, learning-impaired, and uncontrollable children.” Furthermore, Shaw says this denies children “the connections and rituals and nurturing that are so necessary to children’s healthy development.” These connections are the basis of loving. Through them we learn to care, share, have compassion, and love.
It is vitally important that you use your infant’s car seat in the car, but take your baby out of the seat when she leaves the car and let her know what it feels like to be held in loving arms. She will be better off for it, and so will you.