Recently I met an excited, joyful 18 year-old man who was joining the Navy. He had graduated from high school, where he was Field Marshall of the marching band, and seemed like an all around, good, red-blooded American boy. The kind Norman Rockwell would put on your calendar. “Your mother must be proud of you.” I suggested.
“I don’t know,” he responded. “She died when I was seven.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Well then, I bet your dad is really proud of you.”
“He doesn’t even know; he’s been incarcerated for the past 5 years.”
“Gee, I am so sorry, when will he get out?”
“Never, unless he dies. It’s a life sentence,… for murder!”
Now I know this sounds incredible, but I swear it’s true; and it gets worse. I asked who had been taking care of him. “My grandma, but she died when I was 16, so I’ve had my own place since then.”
Not wanting to believe this I responded without thinking, “You’ve got to be kidding me!”
“I wish,” he laughed. “My uncle helped me get stuff for my apartment when Grandma died; but mostly I have done everything myself.” Then he added, “I never really had any discipline that’s why I want to go in the Navy. I think I need some discipline. Don’t you?”
I think he probably needs discipline less than most high school graduates. He has as much, or more, self-discipline than many adults. But, he wants and needs affirmation that he is doing the right thing and has a place in society. The Navy will give him that.
But, kids like him make me wonder if parenting is really needed! We have all seen “ideal” families, even those who use the latest psychological techniques, produce some very bad kids, and some great kids come out of very unfortunate circumstances. None-the-less, it makes sense that God gave kids parents to help them grow up to be men and women of character, assets to humanity, their country, and their church.
Scientific studies have documented that, in spite of rare kids like the Navy Recruit above, children do need parents; and my 40+ years as a pediatrician have convinced me that parents assume an awesome responsibility when they welcome a helpless newborn, or any other child, into their lives. This conviction led to Messengers in Denim, my recent parenting book, and this blog.
In this blog I will discuss the habits and methods that parents and other adults need to become effective parents and good adult role models. It is my hope that following this blog and reading Messengers in Denim, will help them become successful parents and allow them to enjoy the kids, and especially the teens in their lives.
Please submit any parenting questions by going to the “Contact us” page or add a comment on this blog site. I will attempt to answer them in a subsequent post.